Finding Unintentional Humor in this Gfree World

More and more I find myself not wanting to eat out.  It's scary.  I have to ask a million questions and then trust that they are going to be just as honest in the kitchen as they are at my table standing in front of me.

I want to be nice.  I swear I do, but today was just not the day.  I was down near the beach and decided to pull out my handy dandy App called Find me Gfree.  Now let me begin with the fact that these Apps are hit and miss.  Sometimes you are better off just googling 'gluten free in...' and then stick in the city you're in.  But I do like the fact that others provide reviews within the App and typically it's spot on.

It was getting late and I was really hungry for food and not a snack from the oh-so-convenient Sprouts store.  I typically use the App and then call the place to ask a few questions before actually driving to the location.  I am not wasting my gas for unsafe celiac restaurants.

Here's the App I used, and here is the best option for my location.  The place was called Bistro West and it had three good lengthy reviews.

Hmmm, seems cool.  Let me give them a call. It went down hill from there. (I'm still laughing as I type this.)

Them:  Hi, Bistro West, how can I help you?
Me:  Hi there.  Can you tell me if you still offer a gluten free menu?
Them:  Umm...long pause...yes we do.  Would you like me to read it?
Me: No thanks.  I saw it online and wanted to make sure it was still current and also check to see if you are stringent regarding cross-contamination.  Do you have a dedicated portion of your kitchen for gluten free prep?
Them:  Um...yeah...we have our own garden and use our own vegetables.

WHAT THE WHAT-WHAT??

Are you cooking in this garden?!  I sat there dumbstruck and tried not to laugh.  I had the call on speaker and my daughters are trying not to laugh.  I couldn't even take the time to educate her.  Not today.  I just said thanks and good-bye.

So back to my comment about wanting to be nice.  I would MUCH rather blog about a great experience at a restaurant than a bad one.  But this garden crap was so mind blowing that I had to blog about it.  Sorry Bistro West.  But seriously-- if you are going to have a gfree menu online and within several Apps, puuuleeeze educate your staff. Especially your hostess.  She's on the front-line of customer service.

So off to Sprouts I went.  Luckily, there was one just two minutes away where I grabbed some hummus before my 45 minute drive home.

For what it's worth Bistro West girl, I think it's great you have a garden.  But what are you doing about cross-contamination?  LOL...at least I can find humor in this, right?

The 'Big Day'

I'm starting a blog.  I've been fighting it for years.  I've played with the idea of fashion, make-up, photography, children, and never got past the real idea of it.  Then one day I'm told "I think you have Celiac Disease."  Two weeks later I decide -yup, it's time for a blog. I've got to share this craziness with others! Now reader, be patient cause I'm gonna walk ya through this.

Around January 2010 I noticed that I just didn't feel like myself.  I was tired, had headaches, constantly dizzy, my stomach always hurt, and I felt as if I had brain fog.  Every doctor I saw gave me a new prescription.

• You have headaches--here take Imitrex
• You have vertigo--here have Meclizine
• Stomach issues, you have reflux-- here take Omeprazole
• You have chest pains--it's all in your head.

By November 2010 I was referred to GI for a stomach issues.  The Doctor comes in the room and sees me all of 3 minutes and says, 'Yup-you have reflux.'  Seriously?  That's all ya got? In your pompous deameanor you decide my fate without listening to my symptoms or descriptions of pain?  Ok, I'm outta here!

Fast forward to a really frustrated March of 2012.  I just turned 40. I'm desperate.  I am walking around with a distended stomach, headaches, a feeling of 'living in fog' and the scariest symptom yet--what I call the tinglies.  Tingly feet and fingers.  I'm sick of feeling sick.  I don't bother telling anyone how I feel cause I've just chalked it up to the 'norm'. Looking back, I felt like I succumbed to the fact that this was just how I would feel for the rest of my life.  "Is this what 40 feels like?"  Then it hit me.  This Jersey girl is NOT giving up the fight!

I march right back into the Doctor and this time I am not so nice.  I unfortunately had to become ghetto rude. Me, rude? Yes, it happens.  I demanded testing.  "I want blood tests, I want a barium swallow, I want an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. I even want to be checked for parasites.  Something is wrong with me!  AND-- don't ask me to see the asshole you sent me to the last time!"  Sorry-- I had to take it there and I think that's what worked its magic. I think he was a little scared so he gave me what I wanted! LOL

On March 13th I had my barium swallow. YUCK. Results revealed a hiatal hernia.  Yes, this is where my chest pains came from. And yes, I TOLD the a-hole Doctor I had this too, but did he listen? NO!

On March 28th I get wheeled in for my scopes and as they are putting me under, my Doctor says, "Your blood tests are back and they all look good...oh, wait."  Wait?! Wait, what?  At this point, I'm getting drowsy, and confused.  He looks as confused as I do and as the nurse is telling me to start spelling my name (what they do when they give you a sedative) he says, "It looks like you may have Celiac Disease."  That's all I remember because I am then in sedated la-la land.

When I woke up, the first thing I heard was-- does anyone know where her husband is?  I thought to myself -- somewhere watching golf channel.  Did you check the other floors??

They finally find him and the Doctor comes in.  I go home with a probable diagnosis of Celiac Disease that will be solidified once the small intestine biopsy comes back. Celiac? What the crap is that? He tells me to no longer consume gluten. Ummm...what's gluten??  We leave and I go right home and buy Celiac for Dummies.  The first of many Kindle purchases.

So there ya have it.  March 28, 2012 was a defining day for me.  I knew what the biopsy results would be. After reading the book, I had all the symptoms.  And as I guessed, the biopsy was positive for Celiac Disease.  I made the decision that day to change my diet for life because at the end of the day it was my life.  I just didn't know how RIDICULOUS this celiac life could be!